dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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