She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
