how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
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I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
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Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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