My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
