Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
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I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
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apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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