so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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