I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
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