So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
