where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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