WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
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they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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