Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
