I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
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Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
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Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
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