i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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