Dude my mom stole all your condoms
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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