the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
