he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Someone shattered a urinal.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I am one with the molecules
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
