Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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