He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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