Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize