We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
