her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
