if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
