Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
