did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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