last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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