i'm signing you up for texting rehab
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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