I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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