I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
