You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
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