not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
