how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
