Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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