Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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