its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
