guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
