you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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