I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
