Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You left your underwear on the fireplace
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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