Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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