i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
