Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just threw up on my dentist
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You made out with two different species that night
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
