I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
