the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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