one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
