Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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