No more Irish car bombs ever.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
