It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
