he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
