A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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