I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
