if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
