Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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