I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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