taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
