They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
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Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
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No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father