Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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