Hey man sorry I got all grabby
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
its like you know when i get waxed
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"