bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.