all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon