I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??