Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
ttyl tear gas
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
