Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize