Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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