He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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